The flip in my attitude

I joined the ship with such a not so much of a negative attitude, but I felt obligated to be here…ya know to live, basically to support myself…ya know the make the living. I hate feeling like I have a certain job because I HAVE to have it, rather than a job I would like to have, and enjoy. I always feel like I am trying to find a way out.

The funny thing is there is a lot of opportunities are knocking on my door. My restlessness I guess is subsiding, or I just have a different outlook on the job status. To be honest I hate being freelance. The constant looking for work gets old. Yes, it keeps things interesting in terms of “oh hey I don’t know what’s next,” but I crave some stability now and than. I like traveling, but I don’t want to keep looking for jobs, and uprooting myself over and over. So, I took a look at my job currently. I have been enjoying my position on the ship, like I use to. Maybe I finally found my routine, or whatever you call it. I get to go on awesome tours. I get to see shit everyday that most people will never in their life get to see! My skill on the camera is crazy better than what they were my first contract. Yes, always room for improvement though for sure. Things are better. But it may be due to my supervisor, and manager. They leave soon. ☹ So, I have to adjust to new peeps soon.

There were a lot of little things that were getting to me. And they all built up to where I had to talk to my manager. He suggested talking to my senior. Well the conversation happened after a formal night when I was cranky as fuck, and I was so tired of being talked to like a child. I kinda walked away from my senior to avoid a fight. But than we talked about a half hour later, and sorted everything out. After I talked to my manager, I was better, than after I discussed the issues with my senior that’s when my attitude changed for the better. I don’t mind talking to my manager…I’m comfortable talking with him about issues, even a personal issue I was struggling with. I don’t think I’ve had that before where I felt okay talking things out.

The only thing that sucks is I no longer have my own cabin. Mine, and Joe’s vacation is over. lol. But on a serious note… my new cabin mate makes me miss some of my old cabin mates. Nine-Because she was so tidy and clean, Yssa and Kathleen because we hung out and got along so well. I miss you guys!! ☹ Yssa especially because she didn’t have a problem with Joe ever being around. I mean with Amber comes Joe. That’s how it goes. Just because our cabin mates cant handle being social doesn’t mean we avoid each other. Fuck that. My cabin mate now- is like super touchy when it comes to … just about everything. Very anti-social. Her, and her BF on the team have this theory that management hates them and is sabotaging them. So, she doesn’t hang out with anyone really. We talked before. But ever since we became roommates she’s more stand off-ish. I’m not even in the cabin a lot. She basically has it all to her self. Oi! She has sooo much stuff. I don’t understand it, and its everywhere. I hate clutter! Maybe I’m too much of a neat freak. But just clean up…a bit…at least sometimes. But I guess I have it ok compared to what Joe has to deal with. That guy is an asshole. Very conniving. So, I think I might be switching cabins if I can finagle it just right when Casey leaves.

So far things aren’t horrible. Minor things, but nothing that has pushed me over the edge to just say “Fuck this.” It helps I have Joe here too. Lol.

Oh I almost forgot…Casey and I are the only Video Team in Alaska (there are 7 total I think in Alaska) making our budget, and turning a profit. ☺ Head Office did notice. Lol. So, with the new senior I hope we keep it going.

I’m happy I get a lot of great feedback about my edits, from crew and passengers. I def improved. That makes me happy. ☺

Amber is a Happy Camper.