Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Countdown has Begun

Well… like the title of my entry, it started. I avoided counting down cruises, but now I have started the countdown.

3 Hawai’I cruises left, and 2 Alaska’s.

I am excited to go to Alaska. I am sad that I am leaving Hawai’I, but I am eager to go home, and get the fuck off this ship.

I am tired of being chased after, fighting people off, dealing with moody bitches, people’s mood swings (as well as my own,) people leaving me, missing people, having nothing to do on sea days, looking forward to stupid things that shouldn’t make me happy, giving advise to girls that are whores, and man-whores as well. ugh. Oh and I forgot to mention paying crazy amounts of money to go on the Internet, and calling my family!

Sorry there was a bit of complaining there.

I mean… really… I have turned into a person that craves…media. Crazy right. I crave new books, new music, and movies…like mad. I feel like I am super isolated. Like I’m not apart of the world. It’s weird. I am seeing more of the world, but don’t feel part of it??

To be honest, it’s more the shiplife, than my job. I mean if you have been following you’ll get what I mean. I absolutely love my job, except the fact on seas days I have fuck all to do. I love going out (off the damn ship) in port and doing all these crazy cool things. Than hiding in my editing suite…using that as an excuse NOT to drink and Party.

***side note, My mother gave me the lecture, she’s worried I am drinking and partying too much, I guess I am ..for me. I’m not a big drinker to begin with they know this. When I left Buffalo the bar scene just died out for me I was tired of it. good lord I almost settled and got married for goodness sake. But on ships everything is magnified and to the max!! She was worried that I got back to partying all crazy like. “I thought the partying was behind you,” she says. (my mom is ready for me to settle down and have babies)On ships….this is what I mean- everyone resorts to drinking. Most need something to do, others need it to chill out and de-stress so they don’t strangle the fuck out of someone (like me.) Once I’m home I probably wont want a drop***

So, back to my job…Love it…ship life…not so much. But I guess me saying this isn’t saying much cause I am a bit socially challenged I guess you can say. I just don’t like hanging with fake people. I can’t tolerate the loud obnoxious bitches. If I can find and hang with quality people than shiplife isn’t bad at all, they are all leaving. Right now I am mentally too lazy to get to know new people. To be quite honest, connecting with people is really amazing, but once they leave- fuck sake it sucks.

The point I am at now: exhausted from my first contract (and its not even over yet.) This cruise I haven’t hit my low yet, which is good. I usually have this weird mood the first few sea days. It didn’t occur this time around so I find that as a good sign. I am more even keel this cruise.

3 Hawai’i, 2 Alaska- than Home. ☺ I am looking forward to hanging with my family. And getting back to something familiar, and loyal. I guess loyal is a weird word, but I just want to be around people I know care about me…seriously without agendas, or because they have to tolerate me. Family and friends that are great to me. ☺

I feel like I shed such a negative light on the people that do ships. I think what is fair to say is that there are really, really great people that you meet, as well as people that really fucking suck that have the morals of a damn fork for god sake. You always get both wherever you go.

Its funny that I am viewing the people in such a way cause I wanted to join ships to see new places, things, and PEOPLE. I def got my fair share of all of that. I appreciate all that I am learning about people. This is an experience for sure. I wouldn’t undo this if I had the option. The good def outweighs the bad in the end.

I am eager to find out my next ship, I’ll find out next month apparently…maybe earlier. The first contract is the hardest, cause you don’t know what to expect. Next contract I’ll be a bit smarter about everything. Hopefully I’ll have a better itinerary next time around.

jen: our roadtrip is gonna be the shit! I cannot wait!!

Backroads of Kaua’i

Even with the weather being crappy out from the start of the cruise and even in all the ports…Kaua’I was no exception to this, it rained pretty heavy in the morning, but even with it being horrible out I was looking forward to my tour. I absolutely love Kaua’I.

This tour was pretty cool. We went to Kilohana crater. The ride up was awesome, crazy backroads for real. Very small, muddy, rocky, rainy roads. The rain was coming down hard, but I still busted out my camera and tried to get some kind of shot. Not much to look at, but I got drenched like standing in the rain for like two minutes. I love how the passengers will bend over backwards for me. They always want to help me out. This lady was like oh I’ll hold an umbrella for you. Now even with that I got drenched. Lol. The rain stopped once we were out of the mountains. I mean we were right at the place that apparently is the wettest spot in the world. They get like 700 inches a rain a year or something like that.

Then we went to Spouting Horn. I saw the chickens again. I don’t know why but I like how they are all around in Kaua’i. We took a drive around a couple places. A couple of different beaches, neighborhoods. There is this village/town that’s placed in a crater. Now I guess its most expensive to live there cause in the summers its gets wicked hot and in the crater there is no air flow, like no breezes from the ocean, so the bills are so much higher. These neighborhoods are crazy nice too.

We made this one stop in front if this house and we got to see a Rainbow Eucalyptus tree!!! This was like the highlight of my day. I took a few pictures. It was amazing to me that something like that exists!! It peels everyday and new colors reveal. Its nuts!! There is like purple and blue! Sorry I just love how I got to see something like this.

We went to this one beach, its pretty exclusive. Its on a privately owned land from what I understand. Absolutely beautiful. We went for a small hike, I always like hiking in Kaua’i. Its funny cause in Maui, Stephen is all about the snorkeling, but I prefer the hiking and all that to snorkeling. It didn’t start out that way for me though.

Anyway along this hike it was just really cool. Too many things to capture. At the end of the hike when you reach the top of this small area, the view is … it ends up being this spot where you could sit for hours and just be there and just be you. No music, book, or anything to distract you. You can just be. It’s one of those places. It sucks I had like 5 minutes to capture all I could and than peace out. By this time I tend to fall behind the group cause I stop and film every 5 feet. Lol. Not to mention takes stills as well. So, than I like ran back cause if I make the group late someone might get pissed and I’ll get written up for it. Not to mention the shore ex manager will like me even less.

I got back and they were just concerned about if I got a good shot, or not of what they saw and experienced. And of course I did. ☺

On our ride back to the ship we got to go through this tunnel that was built basically to transport sugar cane cheaper, and easier than going over the hills. That was really cool.

Kaua’I is always fun times ☺

Jen likes to ignore my phone calls. Bad sister…bad. lol

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Little circle Island tour.

Honolulu is a great day as far as a day off, cause it’s such a long port day, but tour wise its shit. lol. The tours aren’t that great. I did like Natural highlights of O’ahu last cruise, but the other tours are just a repeat of the same things really. The tour guide sometimes makes the difference of a good and a great tour.

While waiting in line before the tour I get to talking with passengers, and just so happened I was talking to a couple from Orchard Park. I told them I was from Buffalo and the wife nearly fell on the floor. She thought it was so awesome I was from where they were. I mean I am, but not. Orchard Park is uber rich town, and I’m from the real Inner city of buffalo. A world of difference really between the two.

We basically went to the same places as the last tour, except we didn’t go to diamond head….the tour description said we were supposed to though. Which is pretty much misleading the passengers …which I did mention in the stupid escort form the shore ex manager gives out for me to fill out every time I do a tour. I don’t want anyone on my ass about filling those things out. No one has said “hey Amber makes sure you fill those out,” but if I don’t I know that I’ll get written up, or some shit so, I just do it.

Well anyway we went to the same bay, which I had better shots of cause the day I went was pretty cloudy and shitty out, so I used the better shots I had in the edit. We went to the blowhole again, which was the only thing that was cool, cause there were these massive waves this time. When I did the natural highlights of O’ahu tour the water was really calm, so no blowhole action. So those are the only pics I have. The shots I got of the beach on the video were pretty cool cause the waves were crazy.

Jen: bitches and Ho’s

Monday, March 29, 2010

Kilauea Volcano

Last cruise, my tour for Hilo was to go to Kilauea Volcano. I was uber excited. I cant help it, I get excited for certain tours!! Hilo and Nawiliwili are my favorite ports. KAua’I is still my favorite island.

Now I got to go to see a vent of the volcano. No live lava flow, only because they stopped tours that get up close and personal to the lava flow. There are stupid people that actually look at it, and from pictures and videos I’ve seen it is amazing, I could imagine what I would feel like seeing it in person. But they get so … I don’t know, maybe the best word is hypnotized by seeing this lava, and they want to touch it. Really! Its 2000 degrees and they want to touch it. yeah it looks cool, but c’mon lets be real here. Lol.

There are certain areas that the lava goes, you can go on hikes and get a look at it. The tour guide I had said he goes hiking every week at the Volcano National park and he doesn’t get to see lava all the time, but he did the last week that we went. It was going across this road apparently. I thought that was awesome.

I got to go to the museum, I love learning about all this stuff. Yes, I am a dork. Lol . We stopped at a steam vent as well. Than I got to do a quick hike in a lava tube. That was really cool as well. so many people though, ☹

Hopefully my next tour I will get to get on the helicoptor tour. Stephen put in for it, so who knows. I hope so. ☺

jen you are lame. lol

Lack of Posts....Emo-esque

Lack of Posts

Well I will admit this has been my worst cruise emotionally. I have had a lot happen to me. I hoped for certain things and I just did do the things to get them quicker, I have lost a couple friends. I have found out who certain people really are, and have been truly hurt. It sucks to find out that you were an object.

Yes I am talking about sex…again. All this time I was friends with these two guys …three fucking months and come to find out they were trying to sleep with me. That’s so fucked. I mean they were trying hard too! Saying “Amber, I love you” and one even mustered up tears. I mean three months….thats dedication for a piece don’t you think?? Needless to say, I no longer associate myself with them.

Always be careful girls who you befriend on a ship. Really grimy shit going on.

Then there is another tactic, “lets just keep her away from any guy I think is a threat”. That’s so fucked. I lost out on a day with one of my favorite people because of this dude and my lack of attention to detail while in port on my off time. I zone out, for sure while I’m not working ☹ I felt uber bad. But the night ended well, I got to spend time with who I wanted to spend time with. I cant believe this other guy pulled that shit.

Than I have to deal with certain people asking me if I’m ok every two seconds. Dude If I’m having a down day and you ask me once to talk about it and I don’t-that’s a sign…leave me alone I’ll come to you when I’m ready to talk about it.

Me and my Senior also didn’t talk on a personal level for a whole fucking cruise. It was brutal and awkward. I was bothered by it. Over something stupid too. It creates friction with me and my roommate. All is well now- thank god.

I had my mid-evaluation. Great evaluation. I have improved a crazy amount since I first started. Technical and creative is great. The way I am with passengers is great. The only thing they reamed me for is my attitude toward superiors. SURPRISE. Lol. Sorry that probably will never change. I like how asking any and any questions is viewed as a bad thing by people in charge. Oh well I walked out the office with a smile. Lol

My current Senior is leaving, the new one came on board today. Cool dude. Way different vibe. We’ll have to see how things.

Lets see as a result of all this emotional garbage I spend too much money. Lol. Boo.

I also had my birthday Buddy leave me. ☹ I am torn up about it to be honest. We grew really close. I hate how he had to leave. But he gets to go home. ☺ He also is going to a ship that goes to Australia and New Zealand. I am jealous. I think him leaving has been THE hardest one for me to deal with. I am going to miss him like mad. The thing that sucks is you just have to bounce back…do your work and throw yourself into getting to know other people better to stay sane. You constantly have to adjust to people coming and going. It can get tiring. Hell thinking about it even makes me feel fatigue. Lol. It def doesn’t help that right now at the current moment, the photo team is comprised of mostly couples. Ugh!! It’s depressing. Today two photogs came to replace Andre and Paulo and they are BF’s of two chicks on the photo team. Its great for them for sure, but it just makes me even more sad. ☹

Well I hope this cruise goes okay for me. I’ll be missing Alan for sure, as well as Andre and Paulo. Lets see how things go. I bought more music today to keep me occupied. And I also have a few books to finish. I may be alright. Lol.

I have three Hawai’i cruises left. Re-positioning cruise, than two Alaskas. I still haven’t found out my next ship. ☹ Lame! I am becoming a bit sad knowing I’ll be leaving Hawai’i soon. Its just seems weird. I’m more than half way done. I have only two months left. Crazy!

I will be posting about my last few tours from last cruise. I have some really cool shit to show you guys!! I will get them up soon for sure.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


This Lahaina was interesting. My tour started at 1:2opm. So I had some time to do some things on my own.

So I thought.

The sea was really rough, and the winds were harsh so the tenders were operating a lot slower. I thought I was getting off the ship at 930am. Nope. Waited a half hour. Than the crew told crew that passengers get priority so they kicked us out of line. Then 20 more minutes we waited. Than they told us come back in an hour. Went back in an hour…crew shore leave was axed!

Lucky for me I’m a videographer and my job involves me going ashore and doing tours. And hell yes I used that to get off a couple hours before my tour.

I desperately needed a hair cut. I rushed to look for one. Found a cool small place. She did my hair in about an hour…I did have to wait. I was sort of freaking out cause I was cutting it close in time. I was pleased with my cut. ☺ Than I hurried back to the harbor to meet with my tour and I was waiting for late passengers anyway, so thank goodness. Lol.

I did a Walk through Lahaina’s past tour. I love history so of course I enjoyed it. I got to learn about this sacred ground. I also got to walk on it. I just love learning all of this Hawaiian history.

There was an awesome sunset and this really cool rainbow over maui. It was really cool. Not too many whales this time. ☹


I am currently in this state of a dream-like world. Where everything is real, and unreal, where everything matters, and nothing matters.

Past, present, future are one thing. No emotions stick out.

I do not know how I got here either. Maybe I hit a point of realization on a major scale.

The other day I had a bit of a fight…if you want to call it that with a friend on board. The situation that caused us to part isn’t important. What is important is how we both reacted.

I hurt.

You think you gain real friends, but in the end it all doesn’t matter to some people. Everyone always moves on as will I. I’m not sad or happy about this. It just is.

I was upset for a number of days about how this friend and I just ended all interaction. We avoided each other like the plague. It truly was disturbing to me how the cards fell. There was such negative energy between us that was transformed from such positive energy. It was unbearable to me. I did not like the series of events that had taken place, but I also knew I could control this situation and change the direction that this was all going in. The question was: Am I going to do anything about this? I did just that.

I think it is an utter waste of time to stress about such minuscule things. I think it is wrong to forego a path of negativity full on knowing that you can change it into a positive one.

I will and would do this for people even if they don’t appreciate it. One thing I will not stand for though is for people to fake it-fake how they feel around me. I will not waste my time, and energy on those types of people. So instead of stressing…I move on. That’s all you can do.

I decided to forgive. I think that is a hard thing to do. It can be easy. It should only be given to people who deserve it though. I guess my intuition spoke to me. I don’t know. Almost instantly I felt like my atmosphere around me had changed.

Never end things on a bad note with people you meet, especially when they will remember you, or you will remember them. I’m taking about the people that matter in your world. The argument can be made that yes, every human matters in the world, and you encounter certain people for a reason, but I am a firm believer that not everyone can mesh well together. If you don’t mesh well, still make sure not to end things badly. It could come back to bite you. So, if just being a good person is too hard just think about what a person could do to you. I guess think in more selfish terms if being good to a person you don’t like is too hard for you.

I don’t know why this is all coming out weird. I may not be making any sense. Some or my regular readers are probably like what the hell is this. This isn’t about a tour she did. This is isn’t about crew stuff, or policies and procedures. You’re right. It is not about my job. This is not about what exciting thing I got to do or see, or what picture I took. It’s about my place in this world, on this ship, in this small community of people I interact with everyday, and how they leave and come into my life, and how I leave and come into other people’s lives.

Lately I have been faced with a lot of people preparing to leave this ship. I may never see these people again, ever. These people who you form bonds with, have fun with, argue with, cry with, fight with, laugh with, for some even fall in love.

One person that sticks out in my head right now is one person I only conversed with slightly while he was on the ship, than connected with on the very last day he was on the ship. He no longer is doing ships from what I know. I think his words to me I will remember forever. I will always remember the hug he gave me. It was almost like hugging a person that I knew for my whole life. Like as if my mother, or father were hugging me. The words he gave to me were ones of wisdom and almost a prediction of what was to come for me. This person touched my soul.

I right now I am just overwhelmed with emotion writing this. Call me an emotional person. Most people that know me don’t tag me as such. I guess I am becoming more in tune with what’s going on with my inner being.

I kind of just know who I will see, or never see again. I tend to follow my intuition, and trust it. The guy I talked about just a paragraph ago I know I will never see him ever again. I just know. Than there are others who leave and I just know we will cross paths again. I just know it. Than there are others who I hope we don’t cross paths, but I know it will happen unfortunately. It goes the other way as well, I hope I’ll get to see a certain person again, but I know in my heart I will never be able to.

Destiny at work I guess.

When you spend time on a ship with people, variety can be limited. Meaning the amount of different people you are able to hang with. I am the type of person that needs to hang with different people now and than. Unless you are one of my favorites, and I enjoy the company and I like spending time with you no matter how much time we spend together. I chose to get to know people from different departments, and cultures.

Here’s what happens on ships. You either always find people hanging with the people of their department (where photogs will only hang with photogs, or musicians with musicians ..etc..etc) or you get the people always hanging with the people on their own country. Yes, ships can be diverse…not this way though. You actually have to make an effort if you want a diverse experience…at least on big ships. The bigger the ship the more people break up into these sects.

I hang with not a crazy amount of different people, but I like to think that I have made an effort to get to know a lot of different people from different departments and cultures. I think of myself as the taboo girl, or at least I feel that way. Like the only American girl who plays ping pong with the guys from India, and the Philippines, or eats with the production crowd, or drinking with musicians---and not because I want to sleep with any of them(yes most girls do this) or just hanging out with the casino staff, or dancing with people from the Ukraine…all those things and all those people mean something to me. I hate how some people from my department judge me for this. It’s like she’s weird she’s not latching on to us, what!!!?? What’s wrong with her??

Of course I hang out with people from my department, of course I do. I like a lot of them, some I tolerate, and just try and be nice to them. But they are not the only ones I hang with.

On ships you can really get to know people, I guess the rule is you really find out who people are by their third cruise. If you really only hang with the same people allllll the time of course you get sick of them. You feel like this is the only person I’ve hung out with this whole time?? You feel like its been forever. In reality it’s only been like two months. Than you crave some variety….well now its their time to go, and a new person comes to replace them…you got your wish right??

Some you don’t want to leave. I’ve had a lot of people I got close with and in a months time of knowing them they leave the ship, and I’m like broken up about it. The time you spend is really dense. I’ve made different connections with people, different with each one, but a connection in one small way or another.

The rotation will continue, and maybe my next contract none of this will matter…I hope I do not turn into this drone…like some People I have seen on board. I do not want to turn into a person that just looks for one night, or the next drink, or the next guy I will pursue, or the next girl I’ll talk shit about. I do not want to turn into this person where no one matters besides people back home. I do not want to become this shallow, wicked, negative person that I see on board in many places.

I hope All of this still matters to me on each contract and all I do.

Everything matters. Each person makes an impact.

“It’s shiplife, its not reality”

Yes it is, and it is in fact real. People and feelings will always matter.

Sorry that this post was uber long, and may have not a bit of sense to anyone reading.

Friday, March 12, 2010


So, on Honolulu night I went all out really. I stayed up late and all of that because the shore escursion manager didn’t give me a tour. So here I am thinking I don’t have a tour, I was gonna spend my time on the beach and all that.

The simple fact that the Shore Excursion manager didn’t give me a tour is complete shit. It is someone new. If she doesn’t give me a tour I can’t do my job, I cant get my face known to the passengers, I cant make an edit, in turn I cant sell more dvd’s. which brings my revenue down, which makes the video team look bad.

So I go to bed at like 6am. I get a call at 8am from my senior: “Amber you have a tour at 1020am. She just added you this morning” needless to say I was not very happy about this. I was happy to get a tour, but there is no need for the last minute thing ya know. C’mon. The tour guide people didn’t even have enough room for me. It was a total fuck up on the shore Excursion Managers part. Which I hope I do not have to deal with every cruise.

I did the railway and nature walk. It was cool, for me having no sleep and being hung over it was really good. Lol. I got to eat all this fresh fruit off the trees. I ate…well crewed on real sugar cane. I saw hogs, and toads, and this humungous giant Mango Tree. Crazy!! It was a good tour. ☺

Thursday, March 11, 2010


I actually had a day off this cruise. ☺

Well sort of. We had to do drill and that took two hours in the morning.
I had a mission though in Honolulu. My friends went skydiving and I was supposed to. I sadly could not join them. ☹

Me being totally irresponsible got totally wasted the day before last turnaround day, and when I took out my contacts totally ripped the one in half. So, I had to get an eye appointment asap. So instead of going skydiving I got an eye appointment and new contacts. I was glad to get that sorted out though. I hate wearing my glasses when I have to do active tour stuff. I needed an eye exam anyway. So it wasn’t a day wasted. I hung out with Alan the whole day after I was done with my eye stuff. We had a 3 hour adventure. Lol. It was funny how that whole quest worked out. We went to the bookstore and I got some books because if I don’t read on this ship I swear my brain is going to melt away. Really though you have to make sure you use your brain here. Especially on sea days.

So after Alan did what he needed done, he need to sort out his flight home, and after the book store we headed to this brewery bar place right near the ship. pizza and beer!! The pizza was so good. I swear I missed pizza. I do miss pizza from home no doubt. Lol. It was a good day and night.

alice in Wonderland didnt happen but thats okay It'll be there to see next cruise. :-)

I had fun shooting island night afterwards too. There was band night in the crew bar as well later that night. I was not really feeling band night. People were annoying me. I just hate how people can be on this ship.

It’s all about shaking the ass and getting it I guess. That doesn’t make me a happy camper.

My night ended well though. Roman, Alan, and I went to the wardy and I ended up playing Hold em. It was entertaining…once the annoying people got out of the way. Lol.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


The tour I did in Hilo was awesome!! I did the Hilo Bay Kayak Adventure. It was about 3.5 miles.

The weather wasn’t the best. But that was the reason why it was so awesome!! It was a bit cold, and it just got done raining when I got off the ship. So I was like oh no.

We got to the bay which wasn’t too far. It got sunny and I was felt like yay all is well. We got in the kayaks. They were two-person kayak. Sit on top type. I was paired up with this funny guy. Good people on my tour.

We started out in the small bay to kinda test things out, than we went out into the real ocean part. It was really choppy. We all saw the this huge storm coming in. it started sprinkling a little bit. Than it hit. We were kayaking in a crazy storm with this huge waves! It was super fun!! My kayak was the only one that didn’t flip over. The kayaks were hitting some pretty big waves. It was so cool. Than we went to this cool area were all these trees were and water falls. It was just amazing. I saw my first sea turtle too. ☺

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Crew Rounds

This has to be the most annoying thing to ever happen on ships. It happens at the most inopportune time. It’s always scheduled at 11:00am. Its always the 2nd sea day. And its always the morning after a disco night for the crew. Ugh!! I mean the crew bar pres could switch up the disco night if he was nice. Lol Its like they challenge us to make sure we don’t drink that much. It definitely is a way to make sure people don’t get to crazy and get out of control…the thought will always cross your mind…oh yeah crew rounds… right, gotta get to bed earlier. It’s a way to control the masses of the ship. booo.

But some of you that may not know what crew rounds are- are probably like okay what is it and whats the big deal??

Well they do it every cruise. It’s to make sure our cabins don’t get out of hand dirty and messy and to check to see if there isn’t any unapproved electronic items that we shouldn’t have.

This is what happens:
You have to clean your room, make sure everything is tidy.
You have to put up the latter to the top bunk.
You have to hide anything that shouldn’t be in your cabin like food, glasses, laptop, flat irons, hair dyers, nail polish. Anything you shouldn’t have that you do have gets hidden.
You have to make your bed, which turns out to be that some people actually hate doing that.
You have to get your life jacket, guide hat, and Blue card on your bed, and leave the room before they come around.

They come around …now the people that come around can range from your asst managers, your manager, all the way up to the Hotel General Manager. This last crew rounds was my manager and the HGM. So I made sure EVERYTHING was put away. It looked like nothing was in my cabin. Lol.

Its funny cause you do all of this for them to only open the door, turn the light on, take a quit look, and close the door. The whole thing is weird to me. They don’t really look. And if they were serious about the checking to see if you possess anything you shouldn’t have they would be random checks. But they’re not.

It’s all very weird. It does however force people to clean their cabins…thats if they don’t normally clean.