Lack of Posts....Emo-esque

Lack of Posts

Well I will admit this has been my worst cruise emotionally. I have had a lot happen to me. I hoped for certain things and I just did do the things to get them quicker, I have lost a couple friends. I have found out who certain people really are, and have been truly hurt. It sucks to find out that you were an object.

Yes I am talking about sex…again. All this time I was friends with these two guys …three fucking months and come to find out they were trying to sleep with me. That’s so fucked. I mean they were trying hard too! Saying “Amber, I love you” and one even mustered up tears. I mean three months….thats dedication for a piece don’t you think?? Needless to say, I no longer associate myself with them.

Always be careful girls who you befriend on a ship. Really grimy shit going on.

Then there is another tactic, “lets just keep her away from any guy I think is a threat”. That’s so fucked. I lost out on a day with one of my favorite people because of this dude and my lack of attention to detail while in port on my off time. I zone out, for sure while I’m not working ☹ I felt uber bad. But the night ended well, I got to spend time with who I wanted to spend time with. I cant believe this other guy pulled that shit.

Than I have to deal with certain people asking me if I’m ok every two seconds. Dude If I’m having a down day and you ask me once to talk about it and I don’t-that’s a sign…leave me alone I’ll come to you when I’m ready to talk about it.

Me and my Senior also didn’t talk on a personal level for a whole fucking cruise. It was brutal and awkward. I was bothered by it. Over something stupid too. It creates friction with me and my roommate. All is well now- thank god.

I had my mid-evaluation. Great evaluation. I have improved a crazy amount since I first started. Technical and creative is great. The way I am with passengers is great. The only thing they reamed me for is my attitude toward superiors. SURPRISE. Lol. Sorry that probably will never change. I like how asking any and any questions is viewed as a bad thing by people in charge. Oh well I walked out the office with a smile. Lol

My current Senior is leaving, the new one came on board today. Cool dude. Way different vibe. We’ll have to see how things.

Lets see as a result of all this emotional garbage I spend too much money. Lol. Boo.

I also had my birthday Buddy leave me. ☹ I am torn up about it to be honest. We grew really close. I hate how he had to leave. But he gets to go home. ☺ He also is going to a ship that goes to Australia and New Zealand. I am jealous. I think him leaving has been THE hardest one for me to deal with. I am going to miss him like mad. The thing that sucks is you just have to bounce back…do your work and throw yourself into getting to know other people better to stay sane. You constantly have to adjust to people coming and going. It can get tiring. Hell thinking about it even makes me feel fatigue. Lol. It def doesn’t help that right now at the current moment, the photo team is comprised of mostly couples. Ugh!! It’s depressing. Today two photogs came to replace Andre and Paulo and they are BF’s of two chicks on the photo team. Its great for them for sure, but it just makes me even more sad. ☹

Well I hope this cruise goes okay for me. I’ll be missing Alan for sure, as well as Andre and Paulo. Lets see how things go. I bought more music today to keep me occupied. And I also have a few books to finish. I may be alright. Lol.

I have three Hawai’i cruises left. Re-positioning cruise, than two Alaskas. I still haven’t found out my next ship. ☹ Lame! I am becoming a bit sad knowing I’ll be leaving Hawai’i soon. Its just seems weird. I’m more than half way done. I have only two months left. Crazy!

I will be posting about my last few tours from last cruise. I have some really cool shit to show you guys!! I will get them up soon for sure.