High School BS

ya know that mood I was talking about that hits me usually the first sea day? well it hit me yesterday after my day out in Ensenada. ****yeah i never posted pictures from Ensenada...maybe I don't consider it a real port day...idk I think I will though****

I fell into my really crappy mood. I hate when this happens. But I guess you could say one of my "friends" is leaving the ship today. I put the quotations up only because I said this last night "I dont think we're friends, I think she just tolerated me." I did this while figuring out what to say in her leaver's card. I followed that statement with "I think most people just tolerate me." yes, you can see the type of mood I was in. label it the self hating mood i guess. I mean a guy left too, and we were actually friends. I will miss him for sure. :-( he was a good guy. :-)

Gordan and I were having a conversation the other night and we both don't really care for the ship-life scene. We came to the analogy that it is pretty much high school. I'm Pretty sure I had the same conversation with Alan as well. Yeah you have the clicks and stuff. but I seriously hate the lack allegiance to people. I mean no one is loyal to not a god damn soul on board......even if you're fucking them!! I mean that explains the whole comment of people tolerating me.

I know I pissed off a number of people off yesterday. I am getting to the point of being polite. I mean seriously..why should I be, when no one else will care either way. I guess I'd rather be classed a huge bitch than Naive 1st contract. I mean this one girl was really annoying me and I made sure she knew it. than this one guy later on i noticed would not for the life of him leave one of my friends alone, he was trying to get laid. I called him a slimeball right to his face. I never spoken to him on a personal level ever since i've been on board. we work great together. but if i dont have the camera in my hand, and he doesnt have a mic in his, I could care less if he existed or not to be quite honest. My first words to him on a personal level were " why are you such a slime ball? you know you dont have to be like that." he just looks at me and says " Amber, once you do a couple more contract you'll realize that there are worse guys on ships" be that as it may, doesnt mean you have to join that league.

another thing to is the whole people breaking up with people, hooking up with people, and cheating the whole 9 yards. There is this dude I guess is cheating. some people know about it, and there are some really upset that he is being class A slime ball. well someone's response to this was " well it happens on the time, he's not the first, he's not the only one doing this.

okay, right. Fair enough.

No-Fuck that! Just because it happens all the time, doesnt make it right. Jesus christ.

Are you guys like getting what I mean. reality is seriously skewed to the max on ships!!!

I heard this the first week I was on Board: " its like people come on board to be the person they really wanna be." meaning they are a totally different person on land. they are "better" people i guess you could say. they do all this grimy shit on board thinking/hoping/knowing no one will find out about what type of shit they are doing.

morals just fucking leapt out the dam window!!

I am just sick of the shallow, repulsiveness of people on ships.


Another thing that totally bothers me is when i know when people are bothered, or pissed, but they refuse to say so. I was discussing differences between my old and new senior and chick over heard, and i guess i didnt have such nice things to say about my past one. she didnt like it. tough shit. cause once I found out I really was being taken advantage of ***and this was the reason why a lot Junior videographers for Princess quit mind you*** I tend not to be okay with that. Yeah great guy, professionally- not so much in my positive category. sorry. Once I found out he wasnt doing a lot of the things he should have...I saw him differently of course.

sorry. I feel bad that i found all this out. it sucks. To bad I wasn't working with Marek longer. I respect him a ton!!

okay i am done venting for now. I hope this cruise is good. I hope The two new photogs are good people. I pray for that to be honest. lol

the great people are so few and far between. I really appreciate these people for sure!! and when they leave it f-ing sucks!!

wish me luck!!

2 hawai'is
reposition cruise
2 Alaska's


:-)



Jen: Our Roadtrip is gonna be the shit!!